[Morgawr]

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Is it right for you to "steal" a girl or a boy who have a significant other already? And for "steal" I mean trying to hit on them if you are interested enough...

Would you feel bad for doing so?

In my opinion it's not wrong to try to hit on a girl/boy who's already got a partner. Wait to flame me, let me explain:

If you have a significant other, you wouldn't normally go with other people, unless you don't really love him/her or there are problems in your relationship already, so it's not a bad action for someone else to try and have his/her chance with you.

Honestly, can we really call it "stealing"? Do we own our partner? Is he/she our own property?
I think the answer is no, they have free will (though I may say it doesn't exist, but that's another story) and they can decide for themselves, facing the consequences of their own actions.

On another point of view, is it really right for you to "give up" hitting on somebody you love because he/she has already got a partner? What right does the other person have on the one you love? Just because he/she came before you, it doesn't mean you aren't allowed to even have a single chance for the "love of your life".

And last, final argument, if somebody was trying to hit on your partner, would you be worried? Well, yes of course (at least I would be) but you'd accept it as it be and just trust your partner stay with you because you love him/her.

In conclusion, there should be no real problem in hitting on girls/boys who have already a partner, since if they are a good couple already, they should not split up just for you... or am I missing something?



What do you think people?

ps: I made quite a long thread, I think I'm gonna post it on my LiveJournal as well ._.'

[Fipherion]

1. Hitting on a girl who is already "taken" is ultimately disrespectful to both her and her boyfriend. You are saying "I don't respect your decision to be with this person." to her and "I just plain don't respect you at all" to the guy.

2. If the girl is shallow enough to leave her boyfriend for you because you wouldn't stop flirting with her, what makes you think she wouldn't turn around and do the very same thing to you if you actually got her?

I've just believe that if you like a girl enough, you should respect her decisions and let things play out without you trying to mess things up. If the other guy really isn't right for her then it won't last and you will have another chance. Just be her friend and don't try to be more. You will just have to wait but if you like her enough, it should be worth it.

[JarJarJacob]

I certainly wouldn't do it, but if that girl was enough of a slut to go along with it, then her boyfriend(s) don't really know her at all. I here it's pretty common these days. Might explain why there's so many friggin' emos around.

[KitsuneChan]

well I do believe in a free society butI wouldn't reccomend flirting with someone who you know is already taken. thouh if you are on a pub/party ect and it doesn't look like a person is taken I would flirt if intrested, then if it appears later that that person in taken it can't really be your own fault since either that person said the truth or he/she was intrested in just something else wich is mean...

I've got alot of people I like more than friends but I'll never come forward telling the truth because he/she is either taken or to close of a friend to "lose"..

[NMK]

I try to stay away from girls with partners already, out of respect I guess. I wouldn't want anyone hitting on my girl so yeah, you understand.

[Morgawr]

Meh.. am I the only one who doesn't consider girlfriends as stupid beings who are someone else's property? What right do they have to own them? Only because they came first, they can own a girl which I desire?

bah.. am I such a bastard after all?

[Fipherion]

Originally Posted by Morgawr

Meh.. am I the only one who doesn't consider girlfriends as stupid beings who are someone else's property? What right do they have to own them? Only because they came first, they can own a girl which I desire?

bah.. am I such a bastard after all?

it has absolutely nothing to do with ownership. its about respect. not about respecting someone's property, but respecting their decisions. Like i mentioned, the main reason you shouldn't hit on a girl who is with someone else is because she chose to be with that person. Respect her decision and if she decides to leave him, THEN you should feel free to make any moves you want. If you respect her and want to be with her, then you will respect her decision to be with whoever she is actually with.

[Elie Fiore Inverse]

Originally Posted by Morgawr

Meh.. am I the only one who doesn't consider girlfriends as stupid beings who are someone else's property? What right do they have to own them? Only because they came first, they can own a girl which I desire?

bah.. am I such a bastard after all?

If you think we girls are sluts who get with whoever we meet, with the excuse we are 'no property' of anyone, then yes, you are a bastard. And selfish too. Because you sound like they SHOULD go with you although they're already taken. It's not a matter of being stupid things who are "someone's property". It's people who are in love with this person and are faithful to him/her, and which NOBODY should even touch other than their loved one.

Just like Fipherion said, trying to hit on someone who has already a girl/boyfriend is a high act of disrespect, and I'd add selfishness. You wouldn't care about how that girl's boyfriend is gonna suffer, you just want to get that girl. That's disgusting. Being free and being sluts are two different things.

If people started to think about others and how they feel before themselves, there wouldn't be so many emos right now.

[Fipherion]

(yay, i win the simultaneous reply contest!)

[Sinner]

I hate to crash down on everyone's happy bubble where looking out for each other is the "right" thing to do.but it's only human nature to look out for yourself above all others, it's called survival instinct and wanting to pass on genes, if you look at any other animal on the planet they do the same. Now I'm not saying stealing partners is right and moral, I'm just saying it's not out of "disrespect" as people sometimes think it is.

[Longknife]

I agree with ya, Morg. =P Prolly cause...I'm trying to do it right now. xD


There's a girl I met here, who I thought "Wow, she's hot!" and I pretty much only ever find a girl hot every...Iunno every four months. For some reason appearance doesn't get to me, usually.

Anyways, at first I ignored it, then the attraction got worse. I figured "hell ok, I'll befriend her, and hopefully find out she's not right for me."

Well, at first and for some time, I thought that was the case, but lately it's been like, we ARE pretty alike. Not to mention, she's my most intelligent friend here (and ya I DIIIIIIG intelligence), so she's the only one who I can talk to in some cases and not get a dipshit response.

At this point, we're somewhat flirty. A friend of mine has even told me I'm the only one that, when I ask her if she wants to do something this weekend (in a group of friends, alone, unspecified, etc etc. ), she'll say yes and not "I'm busy;" there's four other guys who try to do stuff with her or have hit on her, and she just doesn't respond to them. Also, psychologically speaking, for a LONG time I kept telling myself in my mind "nah she's not flirting/attracted to you," because I always try to stay doubting, cause I don't like having an ego. D: Well really, even when she's talking to other people, she'll often make eye contact with me. When we're walking together, niether one of us seems to be able to allow silence, whereas that's totally do-able around our other friends. There will be days where I'm freaking tired when we're walking home, but she keeps tossing convo topics at me. I'll do the same to her when she's tired. All of that tells me I'm either a really trusted friend, or there's an attraction between us. Considering there's still instances I'd call flirting, I'm HOPING it's an attraction. xD Overall, just by the way we act around each other, (and now that I've stop saying "no that's not flirting" in my head in attempt to keep my ego in check ) I feel there's a mutual attraction. Still, I'm keeping it at a friendship level, because, well...





The whole situation is weird. She has a boyfriend back in Russia, and apparently has been with him for three years. However, she's already been away from him for 8 months, and she's not even sure if he'll even eventually move to Germany (and no, she doesn't plan on going back to Russia.). Still, she keeps in good touch with him.

Right now, I basically feel like I'm nothing but a bit of fun for her while she's lonely. (and no, that doesn't make her a slut. -_- Get real: people DO flirt for fun sometimes, especially after 8 months of not seeing their lover.)



Anyways, I'm definitely saying something eventually. Only reason I'm waiting is because, one, she seems like the type of girl who runs like fuck when a friend hits on her, and two, because even though I think hitting on a girl who has a boyfriend is ok, that doesn't make it easy. xP

Personally I would find it BS if, I didn't even get a chance to say I dig her. Of course if I said it immediately, that'd get shot down. xD Just because I want my chance, doesn't mean I don't understand the word "no." But definitely, if I knew I could steal her right now, or even get my answer as to if she'll have me without her going freaking avoidant on me, I'd go for it.



And I don't see that as disrespect. For instance, if I stole this girl, I'd feel bad for the old boyfriend. I'd want to apologize, though that wouldn't something I should expect him to hear out. But, that's what love does sometimes; it makes people do things they wouldn't normally do, including hurt others. For someone to do what they can to try and stay with a person they love being around, I don't call that selfishness. I call that love. xP









So bottom line: All is fair in love and war. War, all is fair because lives important to you are at stake. Love, all is fair, because one person that means the world to you is at stake (k little dramatic but yknow... :V ).


Of course, getting shot down after trying to steal, then repeatidly trying....That's a little... I see "a girl that's taken is taken; no one else gets a chance" as BS, but I see getting fifty chances as BS, too.




It's good, that we all think twice before stealing a girl or guy. It's kind of a nice way to keep your mind in check from going totally over the edge in love, to still having some form of common sense.


However, I totally wouldn't sit there and talk shit on a person who does it (and not just because, in the near feature, it might become hypocritical for me to do so. xP )

[aaerdan]

Darn.

Longknife beat me to what I would have answered.

Anyway, to put in my two cents' worth: this is a classic example of where the strong will emerge victorious over the weak. Strong in what sense depends on the parties involved ... it could be physical, it could be mental, it could be economic, it could be social, etc.

I do not, however, advocate use of guerilla tactics, although all things being equal, if the relationship is strong and is of the right substance (there is ample communication between them), the third party really has little chance to crash it.

[Fipherion]

Originally Posted by Sinner

I hate to crash down on everyone's happy bubble where looking out for each other is the "right" thing to do.but it's only human nature to look out for yourself above all others, it's called survival instinct and wanting to pass on genes, if you look at any other animal on the planet they do the same. Now I'm not saying stealing partners is right and moral, I'm just saying it's not out of "disrespect" as people sometimes think it is.

sure, by your logic, stealing a girl is fine, but so is rape. I mean its just survival instinct right? Gotta pass on those genes somehow right?

Originally Posted by Longknife

So bottom line: All is fair in love and war. War, all is fair because lives important to you are at stake. Love, all is fair, because one person that means the world to you is at stake (k little dramatic but yknow... :V ).

another saying you might consider could be: Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Especially in the context of highschool and adolescence (which i would bet the majority of us fall into this category) chances are you won't even have to wait for long for a relationship to go sour. I say, wait for the girl to end the relationship on her own accord and then step in and take your chances. In the longrun, she will be touched that you were willing to wait for her and that you respected her so much to honor her decisions instead of the "i want what i want and i want it now!" attitude.

[cutieswatcher]

Originally Posted by Fipherion

sure, by your logic, stealing a girl is fine, but so is rape. I mean its just survival instinct right? Gotta pass on those genes somehow right?

I completely agree with you there. In this day and age, it's not about survival instinct, but who is the next person they are going to screw.

Sometimes "stealing a bf/or gf" means most likely they just want to have a good time with that person and repeat this cycle with the next person.

My two cents on this topic is if you want somebody that is already taken, and you REALLY want to be with that person, go for it, but just expect there might be some dire consequences down the road.

I wouldn't want so whore trying to get at my man, but the type of person i am i would observes the situation and see what HIS reactions would be, if he goes with her i know he truly cares about me but if he cheats on me, then he's just not the one for me.

I am not an insecure person always keeping tads on my bf, i always think of it as this, "their are better men out there, i just have to keep looking" If this situation ever happens to me...but sofar it hasn't lol.

[Sinner]

Originally Posted by Fipherion

sure, by your logic, stealing a girl is fine, but so is rape. I mean its just survival instinct right? Gotta pass on those genes somehow right?

Only difference is rape is illegal in most places, if not in all places (and so it should be) while "stealing" someone who is no one's property isn't. After all, they'd have to make the choice out of their own free will to be "stolen" right? Sure those kind of girls/guys probably wouldn't have attractive personalities and I'm not the sort of person to try stuff like that, but as longknife said:

So bottom line: All is fair in love and war.