[Socialent]

Gah! Oh my god, that's a killer cliffhanger and freaky endline. *shivers* Brrr... I can't take simple horror or thriller stuff! I'm never looking into Darkons's water ever again.

That's a really awesome writing style you have, though. I love how you have a sort of detective-type tone to it. It really invites the reader to come to their own conclusions.

I have to say it does remind me of .Hack. Will Allan, Cat and the G.I.R.L... get sucked into the game quite like the characters in .Hack? Was it your intention to make it sound like a .Hack?

But, I've got just a few little things I've noticed...
When D3stiny (sorry, I hate writing things with weird lettering, it took me a while to type that one out) screams for her life, shouldn't she have exclamation marks? I think it'd be a lot more effective.

Also, you seem to use some unnecessary words here and there. They're not too bad, but if you ever wanted to refine these, then it would make the reading a bit more smooth.

I think Burke, as a lead, could be developed a bit more, along with Eclipse. Their relationship isn't too clear, well, neither is the one between Burke and Cat. Though I get the feeling they'll have their stories told in the next chapters to come.

All in all, though, that last line really freaked me out - good job on it. Your tone comes through crystal clear, and your imagery is nice, too. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read it all!